In other words: A discussion of The Bush Administration
It's Back!
The Top Ten Conservative Idiots, No. 139
8. Staples in Colrain, MA
Perhaps this story has something to do with the fact that Fox News has been scaring the crap out of Americans with the prominent "TERROR ALERT HIGH!" banner they've been displaying 24/7 for the last month. Julie Olearcek of Colrain, MA, got quite a fright recently when, as she was relaxing at home, a state trooper shone a flashlight through her window. And why did he do this? Simply because Julie had inquired about flight simulation software for her ten-year-old son at the local Staples store, and after she left they called the police. Nice going, idiots. Julie Olearcek is a 15-year Air Force Reserve pilot, her husband is also a pilot (who is currently on active duty), and their son is naturally keen to follow in the family footsteps. Not that that should make any difference - there are hundreds of thousands of avid flight simmers across the country. But for some reason the staff at Staples in Colrain seem to have been instructed to report to the police anyone buying flight sim software - or even showing an interest in buying flight sim software - despite the fact that Staples in Colrain STILL SELLS FLIGHT SIM SOFTWARE! I mean, if they're that worried about terrorists using PC flight sim software to train themselves to a proficient enough level where they can fly a plane into, I dunno, the Colrain Dollar Store, why don't they just take the damn software off the damn shelves? Or is it now company policy to waste the police's time making them follow up on every single person who expresses an interest in this popular hobby? Fer crying out loud...
9. Katherine Harris
Look out! Apparently not content with stealing the presidency and then winning a seat in Congress, Katherine Harris may be about to run for Senate. I guess fixing an election for your boss really does pay off. Harris would be running for Sen. Bob Graham's seat (Graham is retiring this year) and presumably expects her wonderful dual performance as Florida's secretary of state and co-chair of George W. Bush's election campaign in 2000 to help her carry the day. But while winning a seat in Congress is not so tough - even if it's in a heavily Republican district and you don't win it by a particularly large margin despite being one of the most famous Republicans in Florida - winning a Senate seat is a more daunting prospect. Are good looks, charm, and wit all Katherine Harris needs to win the seat? If so, she'd better get to work acquiring some good looks, charm and wit. Or are substance and gravitas key factors? Actually, you know what, don't worry about it. Katherine Harris has got about as much chance of becoming a Senator as I have of taking a trip to Moonbase Dubya.
10. The Conservative Club For Growth
And finally, congratulations to the Conservative Club for Growth who this week make their second appearance on the Top Ten list. The Club for Growth previously appeared back in Idiots 106 for running campaign ads against Republican moderates Olympia Snowe and George Voinovich because they voted against a Bush tax cut during the invasion of Iraq. The ads featured Snowe and Voinovich with French flags digitally inserted behind them. Get it?!?! Anyway, they're back on the list this week for deciding to interfere in the Democratic primary in Iowa, running an ad with a delightful script suggesting that "Howard Dean should take his tax-hiking, government-expanding, latte-drinking, sushi-eating, Volvo-driving, New York Times-reading, Hollywood-loving, left-wing freak show back to Vermont, where it belongs." I guess the rantings of Ann Coulter and Sean Hannity have really borne fruit if this is what now passes for political debate in America. Still, since the Club for Growth has seen fit to run this ad, we now feel much more comfortable about telling them to keep their pitchfork-hoisting, hoedown-attending, moonshine-drinking, tractor-driving, dungaree-wearing, banjo-playing, pig-fucking, Clinton-penis-obsessing, right-wing freak show out of our primary process. See you next week!
- rob 3:22 PM - [PermaLink] -
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