In other words: A discussion of The Bush Administration
Holiday gifts that never made it off the shelf
Bomb-in-the-box: Mecca, that when you wind it up plays an Arab belly dance! On the last note, Osama pops out and throws a mini nuke! Deluxe edition comes with a little New York that explodes when you press a secret button.
Tickle-me Giuliani: Press the button, he litigates. Every time a frivolous
lawsuit, bent on trampling citizens' rights at the taxpayers' expense. Comes
with a political agenda. Barking commands and erectible police blockades, a
must for would-be dictators ages 5 and up. He loses every case!
Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ Crucifixion: Press a button, he bleeds --
from every inch and pore of torn, ripped, and savaged flesh. Hold the button
down for as long as you like, until there's nothing left but a big, bloody
mess! Why hast thou forsaken me indeed! This Jesus doesn't stand a chance!
Comes with extra bags of blood. Pharisees not included.
The Bush Bag O' Laughs: Irritate a liberal past the point of no return --
just hide it behind an inconspicuous object at a party (an Uzi 9 mm., say) and
sit back and enjoy the show as faces explode in righteous rage when each
implausible rationale for war comes tumbling out, followed by right-wing laughter and applause. Guaranteed to upset at least half of any room.
"Flag-Draped Coffins: The Killers' Series": Collect 'em all. Each card a
"forbidden" photo of a genuine U.S. flag-draped coffin, embossed with the
soldier's name, rank, and insignia. On the flipside, humorous remarks or
testy replies from Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, such as "Freedom's untidy" and "You go to war with the Army you have, not the Army you might want or wish to have at a later time." 1,500 in all, with a special Collector's Edition subscription series for each new soldier killed in battle. Comes with official Pentagon death notice (you fill in the name), machine-signed by Rumsfeld himself.
The "Banana Republican" Voting Machine: Cast a vote and see who wins -- a radical right-winger every time! Leaves no paper trail. Comes with Florida Can O' Sunshine and Squeeze-Me election monitors that light up and squeak "It don't pass the smell test!" to the sound of chirping crickets. Barricades not included (available upon request).
Rock 'em Sock 'em Roe v. Wadebots: Watch the Red states take on the Blues as
you control the levers of Judgment in the ring -- a direct hit to the belly
button and an unborn fetus splashes out! It's up to you what to do with it:
entitle it to welfare, sign it up for the army, or toss it into the trash.
Divide your family and friends and claim the moral high ground while your
side keeps slugging away. Watch out for unplanned developments! Anything can
go wrong, and probably will! Fun for ages 11-12. Parents not included.
Hoping this finds you under the tree.
- Michael 1:31 PM - [PermaLink] -
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"To announce that there must be no criticism of the
president, or that we are to stand by the president, right or wrong, is
not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the
American people."
- Teddy Roosevelt
"Government has a final responsibility for the well-being of
its citizenship. If private cooperative endeavor fails to provide work
for willing hands and relief for the unfortunate, those suffering
hardship from no fault of their own have a right to call upon the
Government for aid; and a government worthy of its name must make
fitting response."
- Franklin Delano Roosevelt
"I am not an advocate for frequent changes in laws and Constitutions, but laws must and institutions must go hand in hand with the progress of the human mind. As that becomes more developed, more enlightened, as new discoveries are made, new truths discovered and manners and opinions change, with the change of circumstances, institutions must advance also to keep pace with the times. We might as well require a man to wear still the coat which fitted him when a boy as civilized society to remain ever under the regimen of their barbarous ancestors."
- Thomas Jefferson
"The means of defense against foreign danger historically have become the instruments of tyranny at home."
"All men having power ought to be distrusted to a certain
degree."
- James Madison
"I believe in human dignity as the source of national purpose, in human liberty as the source of national action, in the human heart as the source of national compassion, and in the human mind as the source of our invention and our ideas. It is, I believe, the faith in our fellow citizens as individuals and as people that lies at the heart of the liberal faith. For liberalism is not so much a party creed or set of fixed platform promises as it is an attitude of mind and heart, a faith in man's ability through the experiences of his reason and judgment to increase for himself and his fellow men the amount of justice and freedom and brotherhood which all human life deserves."
- John F. Kennedy
"Should any political party attempt to abolish social security, unemployment insurance, and eliminate labor laws and farm programs, you would not hear of that party again in our political history. There is a tiny splinter group, of course, that believes you can do these things. Among them are [a] few other Texas oil millionaires, and an occasional politician or business man from other areas. Their number is negligible and they are stupid."
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
more coming...
